My Tentative Ideas to Build Cross-Cultural Understanding: The Beginning of a Conversation
Last weekend, my husband Keith and I watched the greatest news we’ve seen in a few months. We tuned into the SpaceX live stream to watch the first launch in history where a private spacecraft took astronauts to space. On Sunday, we watched again as the Dragon spacecraft rendezvoused with the International Space Station and American Astronauts Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley floated through the hatch that hasn’t been used since the last shuttle mission in 2011. Here’s a photo from their arrival ceremony:
For the first few hours after the launch on Saturday, I let the live stream play in the background as I worked, and kept marveling at the views of our great Planet Earth as the Space Station and Dragon flew over oceans and continents. I love this perspective of our planet, with no visible borders other than the lines between land and water.
If only this world were the peaceful place it appears to be from space! And the fact is, this world is more wonderful than many people believe and more peaceful than at any other time in history. (The media, however, would have everyone worked into a frenzy, thinking that everywhere but home is dangerous [unless, of course, you stick to the expensive tourist areas]). I have traveled to all the continents and befriended people from many countries, and I see the goodness in people far outweigh the bad. I encourage anyone who can to stretch their comfort zone and go discover that for themselves.
Nevertheless, we humans still have issues, and some pretty serious ones. Though we are generally trending toward the positive over what we were dealing with in past decades and centuries (for more on that, check out Factfulness by Hans Rosling), why do we still struggle with racial inequality and violence, after all these years?
I want to do something to make a difference about that. I have a deep desire to connect people across cultural barriers. And yet, I feel so inadequate, ignorant, and clumsy when I try. I hate discussing politics, and I don’t feel like an activist in any way. However, the fact that we have this level of racism and injustice in our country in 2020 is completely unacceptable.
As Bishop Desmond Tutu famously said, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
This post is my small attempt to step out, join this cause with my small voice, and address what is happening in my country right now with the murder of George Floyd and the aftermath of everyone trying to make sense of it all in various ways–some constructive and some not so much (but try to be open-minded when judging how constructive certain activities are). This is just the latest major atrocity in a string of racial injustices in the past few years.
I have tentative ideas, based on my experience growing up outside of my own culture (in Mexico), and as an adult, traveling and making friends with people of all colors on every continent.
I’m not so naive as to think that the few simple ideas here will reverse 400 years of deeply ingrained prejudices, but I’d love for this to spark a thoughtful and productive discussion about solutions and, more importantly, inspire a few people to take action to make a difference in any way they can.
I also acknowledge that none of this is original. My thinking is influenced by my conversations with people around the world, the podcasts I have listened to, books I have read, movies I have watched, etc. I hope none of this comes across as trite and insensitive.
My Simple Ideas for What to Do
In case you didn’t know, I’m white. Despite having African ancestors in my fairly recent past and spending years of my life in Latin America, my northern European genes totally dominate my physical appearance. I’m privileged to a large part simply because of how I look. I recognize that my understanding of what people of color (and particularly African Americans right now) must go through is extremely limited. I feel helpless, but I am trying to educate myself. I want to learn more. I want to understand. And I want to use what little influence I have to help bring about change.
I don’t want the comments on this page to turn into hate. (I will remove any such comments.) I am looking for practical ideas for solutions that will increase peace, friendship, and equality between different racial groups, so if you have any, no matter how small, please share. I especially welcome feedback from anyone with actual firsthand experience and expertise with racial matters from a non-white perspective.
Also, please share any exceptional constructive resources you have come across. And of course, if you try any of my ideas, I’d love to hear your stories. My ideas are not original or earth-shattering, but I hope they make a small difference, and within my suggestions I will share anything I can think of that I have found helpful. Here they are:
1. Share Helpful Stories
Stories are powerful. A big problem is that we often share one-sided stories that needlessly perpetuate fear and anger.
We share stories of danger and violence perpetuated by people of color, over and over again, only reinforcing that view of them. We need to tell other stories that show a fuller, more accurate picture.
One of my favorite TED Talks is “The danger of a single story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
Chimamanda says in her talk, “Show a people as one thing, as only one thing, over and over again, and that is what they become.” I.e., it is what they become in the minds of people who only hear these single stories.
She points out, “The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.” The single story “robs people of dignity. It makes our recognition of our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizes how we are different, rather than how we are similar.”
If you find yourself telling a story about people of color, stop and ask yourself:
- Is this part of that “single story” in most people’s minds that paints a one-sided view of this people group?
- Is this story helpful? What positive change might come about as a result of me telling this story? Or is it unhelpful and will it perpetuate negative feelings toward this group?
If you hear a story that broadens your view and seems helpful and inspiring, share it.
My African American friend Randolph Edmonds provided this insight: "When people live in different worlds their truths can be wildly different. And here is the scariest part of all. Their truths or assumptions can be confirmed by their own life experience."
So while we are speaking about stories, here’s a story I think is worth sharing, that illustrates Randy’s point perfectly:
Snap Judgment Podcast, “Tell Christy I Love Her.” CLICK HERE to listen. From the description on the Snap Judgment webpage: Tom was a cop. Jason was a teenager in a gang. One night in 1997, they had a violent encounter that Tom describes as “inevitable.” Tom and Jason relate the story of that night and the series of events that unfolded in the years afterward.
Do you have a positive story to share–either your own or one you’ve heard or read somewhere? Drop it in the comments!
2. Stop and Consider Your Emotions and Assumptions
If you feel threatened by someone, stop and ask yourself why. Could it be related to the “single story” you hear most often? Are they actually doing something that’s unequivocally menacing? Or are they just pumping gas?
Is it because they look different? Is it because they are speaking a different language, or speaking English with a different accent? Is it because they clearly belong to a certain religion different from your own?
If they look angry, why might that be? What has happened in their past? What does their world context look like? What’s going on in their circle right now? Might they simply have a gruff personality?
It’s easy to make assumptions, but we need to question those assumptions and avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly. Fear and anger too often turn into self-fulfilling prophecies, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Stop. Notice. Think.
An excellent book I recently read on this topic is Malcolm Gladwell’s Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know. Give it a read this week.
We fear what we don’t know. Take a chance and get to know. This leads to my next idea:
3. Make Friends with People Who Are Different From You
It’s time to start getting to know each other and realize we really don’t have so much to be afraid of. Intentionally befriend people who are not like you religiously, politically, generationally, and especially culturally and/or racially if you possibly can. Set aside any strongly-held opinions for a moment and just get to know others as equal human beings.
Yes, there are some bad apples out there: murderers, rapists, violent drug lords, hateful cops on a power trip who kneel on people’s throats, and people who shoot cops. But those people are outliers. Most of us are good and want to do the right thing. We want the best for our families, and we want to take care of people who need help. And that is true in every country on the planet, by the way, not just in the United States of America.
So how do you make these friends?
How do you make any friends? I will admit that this does not come naturally to me. As an introvert who usually has no clue what to say when I’m first getting to know someone, this is an awkward stage.
First of all, I try to put out friendly vibes. Smile.
I try to find something in common as quickly as possible and go from there. Luckily, I move around and travel a lot, so I get a lot of practice. As a result, I have friends and acquaintances all over the world on every end of multiple spectra: age, race, religion, political views, profession (even cops), you name it.
Where to start?
Ideally, start with someone you already have something of a connection with. Someone who might recognize you because you often see them in your neighborhood, at your gym, your church, your community center, at your local store or restaurant. This makes initiating a conversation less weird and you already instantly have something in common.
Since we move constantly, as soon as possible when arriving in a new place, I put myself in a position where I will see the same group of people on a regular basis, such as a gym, a yoga class, or a Toastmasters club.
Can’t think of anyone? If you’ve been in the same town for years, you may need to stretch your horizons a little. Join a class or a club, or begin frequenting a business where you know you’ll have an opportunity.
Meetup.com can be a great resource for meeting people with similar interests, at least within larger cities in the U.S.
Then what? A few ideas, some of which may be more appropriate than others depending on the situation:
- Give them a genuine compliment. Strike up a conversation…
- Ask if they’d like to connect on social media or swap phone numbers…
- Invite them to go out with you for a cup of coffee…
- Invite them to go for a walk with you…
- Invite them home for dinner or a game night with your family…
…and really get to know them. Ask them about their family, their hobbies, their favorite food, the best advice they ever got from anyone, what they do for fun, their family traditions, their wishes and goals.
What interests do you share? How many things do you have in common? What can you teach and learn from each other?
I know friendship can’t be forced, buy try not to make this a one-off thing. Nurture a real friendship. Keep following up with them. If they’re not interested in friendship, that’s okay. Find someone else and try again.
The more we try to connect with and understand a wide range of people, the richer our own lives will be, and the better the world as a whole will be. What are your tips and ideas for making friends? Please share in the comments!
4. Travel Authentically When You Can
Travel is one area where I am keenly aware of my privilege. I have opportunities that most of the world’s population can only dream of. As I gallivant to Tanzania, Cambodia, Mexico, Ecuador, etc. with my husband, I realize that the people in those countries have just as much desire–but often far fewer means–to travel as I do.
Even within the U.S., there are circumstances which make travel much easier for some than for others. But if you’re from the U.S. and have decent credit, reasonable finances, and no extenuating circumstances that keep you continuously tied to one place, travel is much more accessible than you might think thanks to a practice called “Travel Hacking” (which is completely legal and awesome, and the only way we have been able to afford to go to 30 countries and counting).
Additionally, by skipping the all-inclusive resorts and staying among locals, you’ll not only save a lot of money, but also open up many more opportunities for meaningful interaction with a new culture.
Outside of northern North America, Europe, and Australia, in most other parts of the world I am a minority. It gives me just a taste of what it is like to stand in a sea of faces different from my own. By slow-traveling, I’m there long enough to start making friends with the locals, which gives me perspectives I’d never have any other way.
We have much more in common than most of us realize, and we can cherish and learn from the small differences we do have. I wish more people could experience it. It’s just enough of a glimpse for me to realize there is a whole hell of a lot I don’t know and understand…but I’m going to try my best.
I think some of the lessons learned in interacting with different cultures around the world can also translate to interactions with different cultures inside our own borders. Do you have experience interacting with other cultures while traveling? What have you learned? Please share in the comments below.
5. Be Willing to Learn
If you don’t understand the “Black Lives Matter” movement or something else related to racial issues, be open to learn before simply dismissing it because of the small percentage of rioters, your political views, or whatever.
Here’s a quick tutorial on the BLM movement:
I will readily admit that I still feel very ignorant on some of these issues. I’m going to read some of the books on Slide #6 of the above Instagram post.
Are there any other books you have read on this topic that were especially helpful and insightful? Have you read any books by black authors who share their experiences of being black in America? I’d be very interested to read a few. Please share any recommendations in the comments below.
I’m coming from a place where I am doing what I know how to do based on my current level of understanding, and if I learn a better way, I want to change. I want to keep improving.
We all have a responsibility to educate ourselves on these matters.
6. Step Up and Do Something
Where inequality exists, we all need to do our part to change that. Yes, it might mean some personal sacrifice. But think about the sacrifice previous generations have made for us to get to the point where we are now. We’re not finished yet.
Here are some practical pointers from @gisellebuchanan on Instagram:
If you have a platform of any kind, speak out.
If you can donate to an organization that is making a positive impact, do it.
If you are in the presence of someone who makes a racist comment, slur, or joke, call them out on it. Tell them to stop. Even if it’s uncomfortable to speak up.
Don’t tolerate a culture where we perpetuate these problems. We’ve made a lot of progress since the days of slavery and the civil rights movement of the 60s. The culture is changing, but there is obviously still a lot of work to be done, all the way down to the very foundation of our society with systemic racism (CLICK HERE for an explanation of it), before we have achieved an acceptable level of equality in our society.
Our work is not done.
Conclusion
It really bothers me that we, in the United States of America, the so-called “greatest country in the world” (though I often question it), are still dealing with racial violence, systemic racism, and white people who seem bent on perpetuating systems that oppress minorities and block opportunities for them that the rest of us take for granted.
The phrase, “I’m not racist, but…” really gets to me, because it’s invariably followed by a general negative statement about a people group that clearly demonstrates their prejudice against said group and lack of understanding for what they are up against. Let’s be better. Let’s try to understand. Let’s DO something.
We humans are capable of some pretty epic, awesome things. We just launched two men into space on a private spacecraft. Soon, we will be going back to the moon. Surely we can put some good effort into the way we treat each other here on earth!
I hope this post was helpful and thought-provoking, and that as a result of it, someone shares a better story, makes a new friend, reads a new book, or supports a worthy cause, ideally resulting in preserved and improved lives for our BIPOC friends. Please share any constructive ideas, resources, and stories in the comments below.
Go make a difference.
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